Day #40 - Trouble in Paradise......

I kept thinking today, I'm 26, struggling with weight loss, I'm over stressed and I over eat. How is that to live in my 20's or ever? Why do I always struggle with things that I put in my mouth? Why can't I just say NO. Why is that such a hard word to say and to live by it!? I have so much respect for all of you who are on your way in losing all your weight and making your goals. I know I'm trying to take the right path, but I always seem to take that trail that leads me to trouble!

Today, here's what I had to eat. I feel super huge today, so I'm a little grumpy! I'm pretty sure TOM is seeing me this week and I just want it to hurry up already and get it over with! Totally sucks and I feel super puffy with everything I eat.

Breakfast: Fried egg with a muffin - I added a little ff cream cheese to it and some ketchup with spray butter...5 pts.

Snack: light popcorn 3pts

Lunch: My co-worker offered me 1/2 of her ham and cheese sandwhich with all the good stuff on it. It was on some hot pepper bread, so I calculated 10 points for just the 1/2 of it. I know I went over today, but I'll keep typing what I had. Today was not a good food day.

Snack: I found this new vanilla almond shredded wheat cereal, which was 3 points.

Dinner: 2 whole wheat tortillas, pretty sure they are 3 points for two?, ff beans, corn and diced chicken breast with taco seasoning and a little organic sour cream. I'm thinking that was 6 points, 8 at the most.

Pretty sure I went over about 5 points today. Ugh- I hate it. I wish I could just control my champagne intake during the weekend and I wish that I could just say NO!!!

Hear me, NO!!! ;-)

Tomorrow will be better. I plan on making my snacks and lunch tonight, to help save on time in the morning and tempations. I feel like if I have a lunch pail full of food I can eat, I won't have those temptations. I can already reach in my bag and know that I've already calculated for the day and I'm allowed to have it! :-)

Happy Tuesday everyone....one more day until WI day...not looking forward to it.

**Twinny!! Sean is right! You are gaining MUSCLE woman!! That's awesome! Keep up the workouts and all of your SAVAGE eating!!! xoxoxoxoxo**

Day #39-#41 Oh...What A Weekend!

Hi Everyone! I hope you had a lovely weekend!

I feel so awful. One of my best friends, who has been dating/married to her highschool sweetheart for 10 years!, thinks they might be getting a divorce. I'm so sad for her. She is the rock of the group and to see her fall apart, is just devistating! It makes me so upset to see her like this...just broken! Lets all cross our fingers and hope for the best!!

Food was okay this last weekend. We drank a LOT of Champagne on Saturday night, so that was my drinknig for the weekend! One of my other girls just turned 25, so we had to celebrate! Tj and I stayed home on Friday night and had a movie/date night. It was so great to stay home and relax. Tj went golfing on Sunday and I stayed home with the pup and cleaned. I played with him for a good part of the day and mostly just caught up on my Real Housewives program! :-) It was a leasurly day at home, which was much needed!

Hoping for a loss this week! It's crazy raining today, so I'm sure I won't be out walking around tonight. I might get on the bike when I get home, but quite frankly, it hurts my butt to sit on the seat! :)

Oh- Happy Monday!!

Day #38 - Beating The Scale DOWN!!!!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Like Twinny say's, I'm motivated and determined to 'beat down the scale'! Last night- I had way too much fun. I calculated, even over calculated I think, EVERYTHING! Whatever I put in my mouth, I said it was a point or five points and racked it up in my head.

This morning, I made a potato with 1/2 of a sausage with green and red bell peppers for breakfast and a piece of toast = 6 points. For lunch, Tj went and got me a vegetarian pizza sandwhich and I split it with him. It's 1 slice of sourdough bread, with tons of veggies and a little pizza sauce. It was pretty good! I calculated 5 pointes for it. That leaves me to a salad that I got too, which I calculated at 4 pts, which leaves me for 10 points for dinner which is perfect!

He and I are probably just going to go grocery shopping, test drive some new cars! and head home tonight to make a nice dinner. I'm kind of craving a thick soup, so I might just get some progresso soup with crackers or something. I feel like treating myself to a little dessert, so I might get a candy bar or something....3 muskateers aren't bad! :)

Happy Friday Everyone!!

Day #37 Weigh In Day!!!

Well- I stayed the same. 197.6. I"m moving DOWN from here!

Breakfast: I was starving this morning! I made one slice of bacon (diced), 1/2 tomato and basil sausage chopped, red and green bell peppers and a half of a potato sliced up. It was awesome! 6 pts.

Lunch: 1/2 of a turkey sandwhich from the store, which was 4 points...it had cheese on it.
Snack: One apple which was 1 point
Coffee: 2 points

12 points left! I have a meeting tonight with my co-workers, so we're eating caesar salad and pasta...two of my FAVORITE things! I'll stay away from the bread, which is pretty easy since I haven't been craving it, but I'm sure I'll have a few glasses of champagne and a VERY small portion of pasta and salad. I always over estimate on points when I go out, so I'll be a good girl tonight. :)

Happy Thursday Everyone! Will post more tomorrow....

Day #36 BBRRRRRR!!!!!

It's a cold one out there today!

Last night was awesome. I cleaned the CRAP out of my house and broke into a huge sweat! I felt bad for not working out, so I scrubbed my counters, dust everything and vacuumed and did a ton of laundry! I was spent. For dinner we made turkey burgers and a taco salad..kind of an odd combo, but it was good! Drank all my water for the day. I even opened a light beer to enjoy, but poured it down the sink once I wanted to EAT the 2 points insetad of drinking it! :)

I also made my lunch and was hoping it would fill me up, but it didn't! I bought a sandwhich to help cure my hunger today. I'm nervous about tomorrow, but I think I'll do okay. I have a feeling it will be a gain, since I wasn't so on it last weekend. I kind of let myself go last weekend a little. If I gain, I gain. I'm in a MODE now where I'm ready for the transition and I couldn't have done it without all of you! I'm not really craving that burger anymore and am so aware of what I eat. It took me so long, but I think I'm finally there!

Have a happy day everyone!

Day #35 - Ahhhh 72 Degree Weather!!!

Well, it's already Tuesday! I feel like this week is already flying by! It's going to be an awesome 72 degrees in the Wine Country....so happy for the warmer weather, because it's supposed to rain all next week and be in the 60's! I'm ready for summer, but not for the short shorts and the short sleeve shirts! :(

Breakfast was a hodgepodge! I made a piece of whole wheat toast with a scrambled egg, chopped bell pepper, sausage, onions and ketchup! It was bomb. For lunch, I Have a piece of chicken, chopped tomatoes with Tuna and corn. I also brought a pudding snack :-) That's 10 pointes already for the day and I'll have 15 left to work with. I went for a nice walk/jog yesterday! I was so proud of myself. Only a mile, but at least it was something! I'm going again today and am hoping to push myself to run the entire distance. If I do the whole loop, it's 1.5 miles.

I hear you have to work out at LEASE 30 minutes a day to do cardio. Is that true? I only did 20 minutes yesterday, so felt awful I didn't make it to the 30 minutes. Maybe when i work up to it, I will do more. I just feel like I need to start small first and then build myself up so I dont get burnt out. Right?

Happy Tuesday Everyone! I think I want to make another calzone when I get home! They are delish!!! I'm starving, so the hungry puppy is my symbol! haha :)

Day #34 - Gorgeous Weather!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so grateful to live in such a beautiful area! The drive to work today was gorgeous. A little bit chilly, but still so crisp and beautiful!

I made a fried egg this morning with a whole wheat english muffin and a little ketchup. :-)

Lunch is plain - Simple Caesar Salad with a sliced orange.

I"m drinking TONS of water today and hope to be motivated enough after work to go for a long walk around town before I go home. It's so great now that it's lighter later!!

Have a fantastic day!

#31 - #33 Happy Weekend!!!!!!! :-)

Hey Everyone!

Friday- I had such a great day on Friday. I was out in the sunshine doing site inspections with the wonderful 86 degree weather! My co-worker took me to the Mumm winery to enjoy 2 glasses of champagne and we sat outside and enjoyed such a beautiful day! Food was really great during the day on Friday and then that night, we made turkey burgers with potato salad. I went over some points, but was concious of what I ate and how much.

Saturday- I had another great day in the sun! Went grocery shopping and came home to spend time with my boyfriends dad, uncle and his brother. We sat outside and bbq'd some sausages and drank a few beers. It was delightful! After they left, Tj and I boiled an artichoke for an appetizer and watched Precoius! What a powerful movie! We got to bed around 11ish and got a great night sleep!

Today- Woke up around 8-9ish and started writing WW recipe's in my new cookbook! I'm super excited to get it started, so I can PLAN PLAN PLAN! It's great tolook in the book for reference and to get everything together. I plan on cleaning today and filling my cookbook with awesome recipe's!

Have a great weekend!

Day #28-#30 Weigh In Today..... :-(

Well, I am up .6. I knew it was going to be a gain with this rough week that I had. Getting back on track Monday felt so good. I went shopping for more summer clothes on Tuesday night and had St. Patty's day yesterday! I made potato, carrot with cabbage and beef stock. It was pretty good for my first time making it! We did it in a huge pot and used our dutch oven to keep it warm. Smelled SO good. I am now a firm believer that I DO NOT like Corned Beef! EW! I had it for the second year in a row and it didn't settle with my stomach and had kind of a funny taste to it! Bleh.

I hope you all had a great St. Patty's Day! I'm at work, so I have to keep this short, but I wanted to extend my sincere thanks to all of you who are supporting me through this tough weight loss journey! Up and down weight, emotions, family members, etc. have taken a toll on me! I feel like having the sun come out has really helped me open up and heal a little! My grandma used to always say 10 minutes a day in the sun, really helps keep you happy!! :-)

Be happy everyone and thank you for being so supportive!!!!

Day #27 - VERY GOOD DAY!!!

Today was a very good day. I woke up feeling refreshed after taking a nice hot shower, put on some Bermuda shorts and a cute top, along with flip flops, and stepped out the door in awesome sun shine weather!!

Last night, I had such bad thoughts at how my eating habits had gotten to. I didn't want to even step on the scale this last week, because I knew I had been horrible at eating. I gave myself a bi-week, even though I know you're supposed to face those fears of the scale and gaining. I just hadn't followed the program and just felt like I didn't care this last week. Well, I had a wake up call this last weekend. Summer is COMING. It's right around the corner. I am NOT going to waste another summer, stuck behind long sleeve baggy shirts, because I am too thick around the tummy to wear something tight. I'm sick of not wanting to go to the lake, because I'm afraid of what other girls will think of me when the fat pale girl tags along! All of my friends are beautiful, skinny and very proud of their bodies and wear bikini's in the summer, so it's hard for me to tag along when I'm very different. I kind of feel like the "ugly duckling" next to them, even though I shouldn't feel that way at all. I don't think I'm an ugly person at all, I just know I need a lot of body image work and work on the inside to better improve my self esteem.

On the way to work this morning, I had an hour chat with my boyfriend about how we BOTH need to change. I said, I'm sick of living this way and I'm sick of saying I'm going to do something about it and then I don't do anything. I used to be 181 when I was on WW and walking every night for 3 miles at a time. I felt GOOD about myself and loved myself. Now, I'm back up 16lbs and can't believe I let myself get BACK to that stage.

I made an agreement with him that he needed to keep the bad foods out, so that I don't have any temptation. He and I looked up certain veggies and fruits to eat to help burn fat, and made a grocery list of what to get tomorrow. I stayed OP today, I think I might have gone over ONE point, and we went for about a mile hike with the dog. It felt so good. I felt like I was DOING something about my weight and about my self esteem today and it only gives me motivation to want to do more!

Here's the scoop of what I ate today!

Breakfast: Raisin toast with a fried egg - It's actually really good! With some spray butter

Snack: Orange

Lunch: Caesar lite salad with carrots, celery and light ranch as a snack or side dish

Dinner: 2 sliced of thin chicken fillets with garlic and a dab of hot mustard and ketchup, baked potato, 3/4 cup of sauteed vegetables and 2oz of pulled pork topped on my chicken. I know that sounds like a weird combo, but we need to go to the store and we're using up everything we have until tomorrow! lol

Before we went on a walk, I grabbed a 1/2 of a biscuit and sprayed butter on it, since my stomach was KILLING me and I needed to get something in there. I baked biscuits from the Bisquick that is lower in calories and healthier for you than the regular stuff.

That about sums up my day! I'm hoping I can be on it tomorrow, just like I was today. :-) I plan on getting to the store and getting the fixings for calzone's! I love Tracey's recipe for calzone's and have been craving them! Thanks Twinny!

Have a great night everyone. I hope your weight loss this week is a success! I'll post mine on Thursday. :) I hope for a loss, but understand if I gained from this last horrible week I had. I left off at 197 and I really hope to be down from that, even just a little!

Day #22 - Day #26 MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!

Hi Everyone! It's been DAYS since I've been blogging. I feel so out of the loop with my personal life! I need to stop and catch up with myself. I'm getting too far gone and am really losing myself by not taking care of my body. I have been eating what I want, when I want and not caring what goes in my mouth. Ugh- I hate it! Ever since my 5 mile getaway last Sunday, I haven't been able to wear shoes since my blister hasn't even healed yet on my toe! It is AWEFUL! It's to the point where I can barely walk on it. It's been sandals, sandals, sandals! I'm really hoping it will be better this week, so I can get my butt out and start walking. I also just got word that my girlfriend who is getting married, already has the bridesmaides dresses in by the end of March!!! AYE. I was measured back in December and was hoping to be down a few inches, but I've either stayed the same or have gained! I'm super stressed about it, but the wedding isn't until June, so I have a little bit of time to trim down. About 2.5 months to go! I'm nervous about it, but I'm bound and determined to not look large in a strapless RED short dress! :-)

Hope you all are having a great week. I'm hoping to collect myself today, since I'm finally home by myself on a beautiful day!!!! It will be nice to just relax.

Day #19, #20, #21 - WAY BEHIND!

So, here's the brunt of my last few day's! :-) I'm sorry I haven't posted. I've been CRAZY!!!!

Sunday: I went for a 5 mile hike with my pup and a few friends! It was BRUTAL. He isn't too trained on the leash yet, and with two other pups, he goes a bit crazy! I was literally pulling back an 85 pound dog for 2 hours! I felt the work out the next day, so that made me happy. It was so beautiful on Sunday. The sun was shining and I didn't have a care in the world. The smell of the lake and the wild flowers was just perfect. All of my troubles, thoughts, etc. were gone for a few hours and it was awesome to feel relieved.

Monday: Yesterday was nuts at work. Right when I walk in the door at 9am, until I walk out at 5pm, it's havoc! I feel a raise coming on, so I'm hoping that will brighten my work path a bit! I went shopping at Target and Ross last night and found some really great clothes that I feel super awesome in. I do wear a "sucker inner" every day to help make my stomach feel like it's normal, so it makes me feel more comfortable wearing "tighter" clothes! It was really motivating buying some shirts. I never can find shirts that fit me and I finally found some actual cute one's that work! Yahoo!

Tuesday, Today: It was crazy. Last night, I was up at 2am until 4:30am this morning with my head spinning with thoughts. Work, weight, summer, being in a wedding, etc. etc. It was crazy. I get these anxiety rushes sometimes and I can't help stop them. I try to toss and turn and think better thoughts, or nothing at all, but nothing works. It only happens when I'm stressing out about things, but for the most part, I try not to.

To sum it all up, food hasn't been amazing, but it's been "ok". I haven't calculated accurately all week with everything that's been going on. I would start and then get off track and just say forget about it, I'll just eat healthy and small portions. It helps, but i still feel awful for not tracking and know I can do a good job when I get in the motivational mood!

Hope you all are having a great week so far. I can't believe it's almost over already!!!!!! Where does the time go?!?!?! :)

Day #16, #17 AND #18!! - Weigh In!!

I am HAPPY to say that I am down 1.2 this week. New weight; 197! I'm .2 away from my starting weight of my new journey. I've been conscious of what I eat and am REALLY really trying to track well. It's so hard on the weekends, but we're staying home tonight, Saturday, so I know I'll be good. Tomorrow, we're going on a 5 mile hike with the dogs and will get some exercise! I can't wait!!! It's supposed to be a gorgeous day tomorrow, so I'm really looking forward to being outside enjoying some sun, while getting a great workout in the woods! ;-)

I have had such a crazy, but amazing week! My mom was diagnosed with Melanoma a few months ago and she just got her test results back from her Pet Scan and her MRI. She had Melinoma cells in her brain, to the point where they couldn't even count how many there were because there were so many, and she's had numerous surgeries on her leg, lymph nodes and lower body to "cut" out the lumps. Her results were amazing! She only has 2 VERY small cells, or they could be scar tissue, in her lower half of her body. Her brain only has 2 VERY small cells, that also could be scar tissue, so she's almost 100% cancer free!!!! She told me this on Thursday morning and we had a nice big pow wow of crying with happiness. It's such a relief knowing Chemo is working and she's almost cancer free. I know she'll have to deal with this for the rest of her life, but at least she's on the mend and doing something about it AND it's working! I love you mom!!!!

Cheers to mom day!!

Love all of you and live each day to the fullest!!!

Day #14 & #15 - CRAZY WEEK!!!

Holy Cow. I can't even explain how crazy the last two days have been!! Tuesday was nuts. I barely had a second to breathe! Tj actually made such a great dinner. He made stuffed chicken with pesto and twice baked potatoes with this broccoli recipe he found online! He only used a LITTLE bit of cheddar cheese and most of it was boiled broccoli with potatoes! It was awesome.

Tonight- We weren't so good. I grabbed a burrito for dinner, but only ate 1/2 of it, which is usually 10 points. I made a PB&J with reduced fat peanut butter on double fiber bread for lunch. I made a fried egg with raisin toast this morning, which is only 3 points, but it fills me up super good! I had shredded wheat as a snack, which had 8 grams of fiber so that filled me up! I stayed within my points pretty well today, only going over a few. I'm hoping for a small loss tomorrow, but am not going to be suprised if I don't. :( I hate gaining! I just really hope to not have a gain!!!

It's Wednesday! New start tomorrow!

Day #13 - Monday Funday!

Today was an okay day...not too much of an appetite and still hacking up a lung! I ate an orange for a snack, skipped breakfast, had my normal high fiber cereal for a snack and packed a turkey sandwhich for lunch. ;-)

Dinner- we boiled an artichoke, haven't had one in SO long, and made a super light mayo and mustard dip that was awesome! Had a lean cuisine casadilla for a snack and a hand ful of reduced fat triscuits. See, I'm not feeling like anything in particular so I'm just picking at things that I am up for! I've been drinking a ton of orange juice and tried to drink a lot of water today, but I only had 3 16oz bottles. I'm hoping to get back to normal, or somewhat close, by tomorrow! I hope hope hope to lose this week, but it really doesn't look to swell.

I'm super bummed...our 5K is cancelled this Sunday due to the weather and my power walking friend bailed! Looks like I'll have to wait and gear up for the other one. It was probably a good thing it cancelled, I can barely walk without coughing like mad!

Hope you all had a fantastic Monday....

FINGERS CROSSED FOR TWINNY!!