Day #55-#58 (Weigh In)

Wow! I feel like it's been weeks since I"ve been able to write. Here's a breakdown of the last week I've had!

Thursday: Bad weigh in day. I'm 200lbs. I never thought I could disappoint myself so much in my life and I did. 200lbs. Really? Why and how could I do this to myself! Moving on...

Friday: This was a really busy day at work. I mean, busy! Good news though...we finally got our tax refund back! It took a while, because we had some missing information when we filed, but we finally got it! Our first time home buyer credit was granted to us and we had about a thousand in write offs. Afterwards, we went and celebrated with some friends which was really nice and we were home by 11:30pm and I was pooped.

Saturday. Very exciting day! It was my first trip ever to IKEA! Never had I ever gone before and I loved it. I had a mental breakdown though, when we got to the mirrors. Just looking at myself in the mirrors made me feel so disgusted. I was sickened at what I was looking at! My friends are supportive and always tell me how I'm beautiful on the inside out, but I just don't feel it. Saturday night, we went over to a friends house for a BBQ for his birthday. Surprisingly, all I had was a little breakfast, a few nibbles on some Chinese chow mien and a few bites of some appetizers. I just wasn't feeling hungry after looking at myself and feeling so fat for the last few days. It's been overwhelming, this feeling. I can't sleep and when I do sleep, I wake up unrested. Totally sucks!

Sunday: I stayed home and enjoyed such beautiful weather. It was amazingly gorgeous outside. I took all of my IKEA finds and decorated the house, cleaned and layed outside for a bit. We're trying to rip out some tile in our downstairs bathroom, so I got a little workout when I was hammering the crap out of the walls! It felt great and my hands/arms were shaking afterwards!

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, because I'm going to hit the track with some friends. I'm not going to worry about running the whole time, or even part of the time, because it's not worth it. I'll do what I can DO and I can't let other people judge me or think they're judging me. I over analyze everything and need to stop. So, THERE! :-)

My friend is progressing with this whole divorce thing...but it's still really sad. she and I had a meltdown on the way home on Saturday night, when it was just the two of us, so I know she's still hurting so badly inside. Ugh- Totally sucks that I can't take this pain away from her.

Hope all of you are doing well.....